Aerial View:

• Intro thoughts

• Mindful Minute: Navigating unconscious negativity triggers.

• Conscious Consumer: SafeSleeve Lap Desk

• Quote of the day

• 3 key questions to reflect on

What’s up men, welcome back. New week, new opportunities. LFG.

Today’s topic is one that has been a major focus for me over the past 18 months- identifying negative triggers on the fly, particularly around family members and those closest to us. No further introduction needed here, let’s jump in.

Mindful Minute -  Navigating unconscious negativity triggers.

When I’m around my family (the people I love the most on this Earth) I have a tendency to automatically default to a negative, complaining, bitter version of myself. I call this ISM- inauthentic-self mode. It can be really challenging to even realize it when this happens, which is why I’m writing this today- to help call out ways to identify and stop this from automatically and subconsciously happening. The goal is to avoid falling into ISM wherever and whenever possible, but most importantly, around the people who deserve and need the authentic self mode most: family.

First let’s look at why I think this happens.

Since you’re reading this, you too have likely been blessed and cursed with extreme consciousness. With this, usually comes a history of, and a desire for, rapid growth. We want to level up. We’ve operated at lower-level capacities and have driven our baselines up over time, continuing to seek enhanced progress in our lives. Health, career, purpose, relationships, impact- all of it.

Growth is the name of the game, and it becomes hardwired into our brains. This can result in an inability to recall what it was like to live without this level of awareness. Certain things just “make sense” to the hyper aware/conscious mind. Eating clean? Training? Sunshine? Prioritizing sleep? Journaling? Cutting out toxins in the environment? Some actions no longer require much thought, they’ve become no-brainers.

Here’s the kicker: what is so innate to us now, is still incredibly rare in the greater scheme of things. This mindset makes us the outliers.

That means that most of the people we grew up with, we likely no longer fit in with (at least not the way we used to, or they expect us to.) This sadly includes our families.

For most of us, as we age, we spend less and less time with our families (brothers, sisters, parents, cousins, etc- not the family you’re building on your own.)

At this point, we’ve likely outgrown most of our old friend groups, and have since moved on. It’s not as easy as that with family, we can’t just part ways with them and say see ya later, nor should we ever want to.

But the disparity grows bigger in tandem with the time and space. So when we DO spend time with our old crew, a few situations typically arise:

1. We immediately recognize the lack of growth/desire for change in others.

2. We experience flashes of our past that we’ve moved on from. Reflections and glimpses of our past selves, relationships, tendencies, etc.

3. Frustration arises (In self & others.) Your family expects/wants the same you they knew and came up with- they aren’t used to the mindful you of NOW. This creates a bit of friction.

4. We try to share our new ways of being/living- often through direct words/advice. Our message, while aimed at helping, is often delivered poorly.

5. We question and judge our loved ones. “How does this not make sense to them?” “How are they still doing that after we talked about just that!?” “What is wrong with them?”

It’s not intentional nor out of a place of malice, it just happens.

We’ve lived both sides and we now know what it is like to elevate our game. Naturally, we want our people to be able to join us in the growth journey because of the benefits. That’s out of a place of love.

But growth must be craved. It must be sought after. It must be received with open arms. It cannot be forced upon others. Forcing this upon another will push that person further away from achieving the outcome. They will resent the idea of improvement because it’s been forced upon them, instead of uncovering it themselves.

The desire for change MUST be self-discovered.

So, how DO we help those around us? We can’t just sit back and do NOTHING right? Right.

We want our people to grow, improve, and experience better lives. But we must lead in effective and empowering ways.

It's actually quite simple, too.

1. Lead by example. Actions over words, always.

When using words, a gentle first person statement, followed by your own simplified and soft personal ‘why’ to follow is a quick way to educate without it being received as a lecture. “Why do you use that type of deodorant?” “I like to use this one because it’s free of aluminum, I learned about the negative health effects of aluminum on the body and I never went back- so this healthy alternative smells great and works too.”

This is a soft sell. It’s hard to provide resistance to a soft sell. Hard sells on the other hand, are almost ALWAYS met with resistance. It’s human nature.

2. Prepare. Know it’s coming in advance. Mark this email as important and read it before you travel home or link up with the fam.

The automatic negativity will be triggered. BUT, when it does, acknowledge it, feel it, take a beat, and let is pass. This is where gratitude comes in. We should be grateful to have outgrown the old ways of our past selves. Flip the negativity on its head, and use it as a way to deliberately spark an internal reflection on your personal journey. And yes, be proud, but more importantly, be grateful. Outliers, remember.

3. Toss expectations out the window.

Holding anyone else to the same standard you hold yourself to is almost always met with disappointment. Without expectations, we cannot be disappointed, frustrated, or angered. We DO, however, allow for the possibility of pleasant surprises from others when they arise. Welcome and celebrate those surprises when/if they occur, but don’t expect them in advance.

The next one is big, and likely the hardest part for us hardened men, as we learn how to take the internal pressure off of ourselves and get in touch with the depth of our emotional states.

4. Be gentle with yourself.

When I go home, I don’t always catch myself falling into ISM. Like I mentioned, it’s a work in progress.

When that happens, what follows is some internal anger. I’ll become pissed at myself for how I communicated and handled myself in certain situations. Beating myself up over it makes it worse. Energy is contagious, and negativity begets more negativity.

There is massive power in the following 3 steps:

1. Realization (awareness)

2. Internal forgiveness of self (kindness)

3. Apology (leadership through emotional authenticity/action)

The apology usually catches others off-guard, but it will always be heard and appreciated. Showing vulnerability and admitting when you are/were wrong is the ultimate form of accountability.

It happens. We’re human. We owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to lead through action in this particular situation to normalize this process.

Alright friends, that’s all I have for this topic right now, I hope it brings you some value and applicable tips for your next family gathering. Stay mindful.

Conscious Consumer

You know I’m in the business of protecting men’s reproductive parts. I believe that reproductive and hormonal health are at the crux of overall bodily health, and thus, need to be prioritized. Often overlooked is the effect of of radiation from our cell phones and laptops on our reproductive organs. SafeSleeve makes a lap desk that blocks radiation from your computer to your nuts. Simple as that. I use it whenever I am on the couch and my laptop is right on my lap, and I also have it under my laptop when it’s on my desk. Small mindful choices add up. Why not take an extra step to protect your virility and manhood when possible?

Quote of the week

In applying this quote to this week’s topic, ask this question towards yourself as well as towards your PAST self. “What PAST fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?”

Rise and Reflect - 3 Questions to Inspire Impactful Action and Critical Reflection

1. What 3 changes in myself am I most proud of from the last 12 months?

2. How can I lead by example around those I love most next time I am with them?

3. When I feel negativity arising towards others, could it be my past self projecting something? What might be at the crux of that emotion?

My Ask of You

If you found value in this newsletter, I ask that you please share it with others:

• Forward it: Send this email to friends, family, and/or others.

• Talk about it: Share your thoughts on social media using #MindfulMan

• Invite others: Encourage those around you to subscribe here and join our community.

As leaders, it's our duty to help others. If you found this newsletter helpful, share it with someone who it can help. Change starts here, together.

Thank you for being here.

Sails up, eyes open.

Until next time,
Dan Baird